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No matter how much I ignore them, I know I'll always miss them.
It just happened that I can't no longer be with them all the time, and they no longer text me or invite me to get together.
Yeah I know everyone get their lives.
Sometimes I think that they forget forget me so for a moment I have to get used to it
but there's part of me that's crashed every time I see the pictures of them being closed.
I should be there too.
I used to be part of them.
I just get jealous to everyone, their friendship, their bonding.
They scan still be in touch with each other.

I spend years with them.
It has significance meaning to our life.
I passed one of important chapter of life with them, teenage years.
where some of the first of my life happened.
They are the ones who witnessed those.
They are the ones who most probably know me, my struggles, my feelings.
So, they are the ones who have the chances of hurt me the most, because they know too much.
However, I'm just lucky to have them, to be with them, to have the opportunity to know them.

(Hey seriously I don't know why I write this and to whom this post going to. I just frankly write it. Every sentences going toward to different person, so whoever don't ever mistaken this. This is just one of words from my no-one-can-see-book, lol XD)

Worrying and Unsure

Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.
— Louis C.K. 

Untuk yang kesekian kalinya I'm talking about last year high school. It's hard, seriously. Okay, I know for some people that already passed this step will think "Hey itu belum seberapa dibandingkan dengan kehidupan selepas SMA nanti, itu lebih keras" Yeah I know.. but... ah I don't know.

I'm worry all the time. Will I doing well in national exam? Will I get good scores? Can I enter the top universities? Is my choices right? How if that not match with my passion? How if I lost my path? My dream will come true if I work hard isn't it? I think I will keep posting about this thingy until I get 'em all.

I'm Rejecting a Scholarship..

Hello October! Right now, many things running across my mind and I dunno how to write it down. Ok, so first thing I wanna tell ya is: I just finished a full week of Midterm Test yuhuuu! Yea I feel relieved at least a little of my burden released. But.. I'm not fully relieved. Somehow I feel I still didn't do my best, even I already sacrificed my sleep to that and now left me with this panda eyes._. I'm afraid if the result come far from what I expect. Okay I know it just midterm, its not that important maybe. But for me it was the first step, first step to my future. And my first step to change my study habit.

And last week, September 29th to be exact, I try my luck with joining President University Scholarship Test 2014. Even it just trying, deep in my heart I really wishing I could accepted there with full scholar. Multicultural international environment and the internship program really attract me. And Tadaaah here's the result:

Senior Year - 12th Grader

Ga kerasa udah di tahun akhir SMA, eh ga ding kerasa banget kok. Dalam hitungan bulan lagi gue udah harus pusing sibuk ngurusin UN kemudian SMBPTN dan segala macem ujian universitas. Omaigattt bentar lagi gue udah bukan anak sekolah udah tua aaa takuttt!

Okay, I’m sad because I’m grown up. Childhood is sweeter I think. Ga banyak beban pikiran, ga banyak ada masalah ahh indahnya. Memang dengan adanya problems itu menjadikan kita lebih kuat gue percaya What doesnt kill you make you stronger, dengan problems kita lebih siap untuk menghadapi dunia yang mungkin akan lebih keras nantinya. Dengan adanya masalah, its prove that you’re alive!

Di kelas 12 ini seharusnya gue merubah pola hidup belajar gue. Harus udah fokus belajar belajar dan belajar. Ga ada lagi main sana sini, projects dan internet.  Tapi gue belum bisa hiks apalagi yang terakhir, susah banget ih. Seharusnya baca pelajaran eh malah blogwalking kesana kemari. Ya sekarang gue masih berusaha terus untuk ngurangin.

Terus masalah jurusan kuliah.. Jurusan apa yang harus gue ambil? Sebenarnya apa minat bakat gue? Dimana tempat yang cocok buat gue? Ah andai gue bisa nemuin jawaban pasti dari pertanyaan pertanyaan itu. Deep in my heart, I have crush to HI. It seemed fun learned world history culture and law. And working in other country, it would be awesome. Unfortunately, gue bener bener ga dapet izin dari orang tua untuk jurusan yang satu itu. Akhirnya yaudah deh coba yang lain aja lagian untuk masuk jurusan itu susah banget juga keliatannya. Sekarang gue pengen masuk Jurusan Komunikasi. Ngebayangin kerja di majalah ternama, meliput acara-acara kece, ikut di crew acara travelling menghasilkan karya dan film atau kerja di public relation ahh it will be fun.

Yahh memang mungkin gue salah jurusan. Bukan, bukan salah ambil jurusan kuliahnya tapi salah ambil jurusan SMA. Mungkin gue dulu terlalu ngikutin stereotipe, gue ga berani out of the comfort box dan gue baru sadar semua itu sekarang.

So, wish me to be stronger  to struggle with this last year of high school and wish me to be accepted in favourite universities. 

Handwriting

I wish people still wrote letters to each other, poetry to each other, or recorded their thouhts in the form of small, tangiable gifts. There's nothing lovelier than receiving the innermost thoughts of another in their handwriting. I would keep all. - Arosary 

That quote exactly right. Seiring majunya perkembangan teknologi, orang-orang sudah jarang 'take their little time' buat ambil pena dan notes buat nulis. Entah nulis tentang daily routine mereka, emosi atau perasaan mereka atau bahkan nulis untuk orang-orang terdekat mereka hanya sekedar untuk mengucapkan terima kasih atau selamat ulang tahun.

Memang sekarang sudah banyak media digital untuk nulis. Ada diary digital seperti blog, twitter, tumblr dll. Sekarang udah jarang gue nemu orang di sekitar gue yang masih rajin nulis diary tiap harinya. Memang sih media digital itu lebih mudah, praktis dan satu lagi, tangan dan pikiran bisa sinergis. Setuju ga sih kalau nulis di buku gitu, pikiran kita udah buat kalimat sampai paragraf berikutnya, tapi tangannya baru sampai di kalimat pertama. Gue sering banget tuh.

But still, receive other's handwriting will make you somehow special. They want to take their time to write for you. It's sincere, you have places in their heart. It will make you completely touched. You'll keep it and smile everytime you re-read it. That one of sweetest things.

Menurut gue budaya menulis memang harus terus dikembangkan, menulis dimana saja. Banyak sekali manfaat dari menulis. One of them is to keep and share the memories. Kita mungkin lupa satu atau dua memori di masa lalu, dan tulisan diwaktu itu bisa membantu. Lalu tidakkah hidup akan terasa lebih hidup jika dibagikan?
Terus kan ada tuh quote My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. So mendingan tuangin aja ke tulisan kalau memang ga bisa dibicarakan, pasti bakal lebih mudah.

Tulislah mimpi-mimpimu dengan percaya diri. Maka Allah akan membantumu mewujudkannya - Bu Wiwik

inget banget kata-kata ini pas hari pertama di kelas 12 dan kita semua disuruh nulis cita-cita selepas SMA di halaman pertama buku :') 

My King, My Forever Hero

Gara2 obrolan sama ina terakhir tadi, tiba-tiba muncul pertanyaan di kepala "kapan ya terakhir gue digendong bapak?"

Bookoftheday: Cotton Candy Love Review

Jadi berhubung libur yang panjang ini dan gue ga ada kerjaan dirumah, gue balik lagi ke kegiatan dulu, baca novel. Entah rasanya udah lama banget ga baca novel gara-gara terbutakan oleh teknologi #tsahhh. Jadi gue dapet pinjeman beberapa novel kemarin, yah jadi sekarang gue pengen nulis reviewnya menurut versi gue.

Cotton Candy Love

Judul : Cotton Candy Love

Pengarang : Priscilla Stevani

Penerbit: Bentang Belia

2013, 241 Halaman